i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
