I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
