what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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