yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
