the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
