You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She bit a glass in half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
