Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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