I heard we made out
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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