It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
