I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
