in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
