if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
