she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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