Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
