Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
