shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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