Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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