i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
