Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
