Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
