Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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