nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I could make wine with my vomit
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
