If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
