If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
