He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
