I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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