You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
