Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
