did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize