so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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