I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
