Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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