Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
