One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
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