I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
