why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
