This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
