so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
