i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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