So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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