I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
