I look better un-naked...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
