I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
