i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
