If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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