I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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