let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
