I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
