that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
