I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
