i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
