i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
