as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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