They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
