hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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