Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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