id be glad to
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
