Michael Bay diarrhea
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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