I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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