come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
