I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
