My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
