I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize