so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found puke in my bra..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
