grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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