I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
