So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize