She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
