lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
