i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
