Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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