Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
