someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
