My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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