Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
