I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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