I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize