Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A+ Viking dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
