you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
