i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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