Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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